Sheldon's Log
by Risknight
Summary: Various selections from Sheldon's journal written the first year he knows Penny.
1. Year One

_**While re-watching seasons 1 and 2 of TBBT, I noticed some things I had never really paid much attention to before. One, Sheldon wasn't opposed to a few cuss words. Two, Sheldon danced. Three, Sheldon would often get a smirk and/or twinkle in his eyes when talking to Penny. A flirty kind of look. That led to this story. A selection of entries from Sheldon's personal journal for that first year.**_

**Log Entry 001**

We have a new neighbor in apartment 4B. Her name is Penny. She is blonde, with hazel eyes. She is originally from Omaha, Nebraska. Approximately 5'5" and 110-120 lbs. She is a waitress who aspires to be an actress. By society's standards she is aesthetically pleasing. By my roommate's standards she is "smoking hot". Leonard is quite taken with her. However, she does not appear to be of substantial intelligence. She believes in astrology. She is highly emotional. She got us de-pants. She sat in my spot and did not move even when informed of it's significance. However, she also expressed appreciation for my work. She bought us dinner after the unfortunate loss of one pair of my plaid pants. She does have a nice smile.

* * *

**Log Entry 009**

Sweet baby Jesus! That woman is the epitome of chaos! Last night she asked Leonard at sign for the delivery of some furniture in case she was not home when it arrived. The delivery man left it in the lobby and Leonard and I were forced to undertake the Herculean task of moving said delivery up 4 flights of stairs. I am proud to say we managed to accomplish this in under 3 hours. The real difficulty came then. Her apartment was…..the entire floor…I find it difficult to even describe the utter devastation! It was as if a small tornado had set down in her apartment and tossed the entire contents all around! I cannot sleep knowing that just across the hall, disorder reigns!

**Supplemental**

It would appear I crossed the line of socially acceptable behaviour. Looking back, I may have erred in letting myself into Penny's apartment in the middle of the night to clean. I do not understand why anyone would object to an organized home. Leonard said I must apologize, so I did. On a related note, Penny's eyes turn an interesting shade of jade when she is angry.

* * *

**Log Entry 022**

Leonard is currently laying face-down on the couch. His incessant moaning is quite disruptive. He has been in this state ever since he discovered Penny with a date. I fail to understand his surprise. She is outgoing, friendly and socially adept. Her physical qualities alone would ensure her ability to attract a mate. In all honesty I do find myself wondering if this will affect our group dynamic. I have made several concessions already to include her in my social circle. Will I be required to include her boyfriend? Will she leave the group after so short a time with us? I find myself reluctantly hoping the latter will not be the case.

* * *

**Log Entry 034**

I am by nature a whimsical person. I enjoy a good prank, or joke. I discovered today a new outlet for my playfulness. Penny and I went shopping. It was quite humorous. She is not only disorderly, but impulsive in her shopping habits. I realized quite early in the trip (we had only just reached the market) that when she is annoyed her eyes flash like green fire. She is also easily embarrassed which makes her skin flushed. It has been a long time since I felt this level of attraction for someone. I am well aware that there is little chance in attracting Penny's interest. She gravitates toward the more muscular specimens of the male race. That will not stop me from playing with her though.

My friends all think me asexual, which suits my needs perfectly. I prefer to be alone because relationships distract from work. Sex is not unappealing to me, however my body's needs can be easily handled by my own hand, which is not emotional and does not require me to ply it with compliments or gifts. However, I found this evening that antagonizing Penny, and then replaying our discussion during my evening masturbatory session added to the enjoyment of my release.

* * *

**Log Entry 051**

Tonight Leonard provided me with an opportunity to test out a new component to my interactions with our neighbour. While annoying her is entertaining, I run the risk of ostracising her. If she begins to attribute only feelings of frustration to me, she will spend less time with me. So, I have added need into the mixture. Leonard and Leslie Winkle (why on earth?) were having sex, so I went to Penny. I told her I needed her help and brought her back into my apartment. I have noticed in the past that Penny is much more patient with my 'idiosyncrasies' than my other friends. She is often more willing to explain social constructs. While it is true I was only a pre-teen when I went to college, I am not an idiot. A tie on a door knob was an easily understood symbol. Asking Penny to explain the tie served two purposes. One, she knows Leonard is involved with someone (however unappealing that person is) and two, she sees me as someone she can 'teach'.

* * *

**Log Entry 070**

Tonight has been a disaster. First I was unable to attend the party as the Flash. None of Penny's friends were very appreciative of my Doppler Effect costume. Leonard, much to my amazement, got into a verbal altercation with Penny's ex, Kurt. This was very embarrassing and upsetting to Penny. I find myself feeling guilty for encouraging Leonard, even the slightest bit. Penny did not deserve our behaviour. I will have to make amends.

* * *

**Log Entry 094**

Inconceivable! Improbable! Penny must be cheating! We have just finished several rounds of Halo and she beat me every time! No first time player could be that accomplished so quickly! The gall of the woman to tease me, on top of it all! No one that beautiful should be so skilled at video games! She will never be allowed to play with us again!

**Supplemental**

I retract my previous entry. I will endeavour to include Penny in every Halo night. My dreams were filled with images of her as she played. She was animated, excited even. She jumped around a lot. She glowed with pride as she terminated each avatar. This morning I awoke to find my body in an aroused state. The orgasm achieved was, dare I say, explosive, as I replayed images of her last night.

* * *

**Log Entry 119**

Quite by accident I have discovered a new aspect to the friendship between Penny and I. My friend Raj had a blind date that even I could see was a disaster. I thought to alleviate some of the tension by distracting his date and telling her of her resemblance to a children's book princess. She then invited me to have a meal. Since it was obvious her date with Raj was over, I agreed, seeing no good reason to turn down a meal. My friends are now upset with me for "cock-blocking" Raj. All except Penny. She has taken my side. While she agrees I should not have had dinner with Raj's date, she says it was actually Lalita who erred by abandoning Raj. I feel pleased that Penny views me favourably.

**Supplemental**

Penny is a rapscallion. She tricked me into imbibing alcohol. She has a naughty side, it would appear. I will have to think of a way to engage this side of her for further study. With her stubbornness and my drive to win, we could have epic stimulating conflicts.

* * *

**Log Entry 138**

I am influencing Penny to a degree I had not anticipated. Tonight she burst into the apartment and confronted Howard about a photo he had uploaded onto Facebook. It was a photo of Penny sleeping during Leonard's presentation (so humorous on it's own!). Her head had fallen over onto Howard's shoulder. He labelled it "Me and my girlfriend Penny". I must remember to reduce him from 'friend' to 'treasured acquaintance'. Penny then proceeded to try and blow up his mind. A ploy I frequently attempt against my friends to show my displeasure at various antics they engage in. In my opinion (and mine is the only one that counts in here), she was extremely cute.

* * *

**Log Entry 155**

I am uncomfortable with the lies of others. I will only carry out one I construct myself. I know this is because of my need for control, but nonetheless, it is fact. I cannot believably repeat someone else's lie. So, I was forced to discard Leonard's lie and replace it with one of my own. I appear to have overplayed my hand though. Penny has taken an empathetic liking to my faux-cousin 'Leo'. This is unexpected. How do I extract Penny from this situation without revealing my deception?

* * *

**Log Entry 180**

I have been deathly ill. Penny expose me to some sort of Omaha super flu. My friends abandoned me, predictably. I was forced to take the bus to Penny's place of work. I can only blame my fever and subsequent delirium on my actions there. I accused her of making me sick and upset her. In spite of my treatment of her, she agreed to take care of me. She cooked for me, tucked me into bed, sang to me and even put vapo-rub on my chest in the correct manner. I was unable to convince her to give me a sponge bath. Of course, Leonard had to return and spoil everything. I wonder if she will return tomorrow.

* * *

**Log Entry 203**

I have been rendered moot by a child. An Asian Wunderkind has surpassed me. I am sure Penny respects me much less. I am no longer the most intelligent man she will even meet.

**Supplemental**

Dennis Kim has fallen by the wayside. He succumbed to sex, ego and emotion. I feel justified in my rejection of all emotional and non-self sexual activities.

**Additional Supplement**

My mind continually replays the last line of my supplement while fixating on an image of Penny. It is most disturbing.

* * *

**Log Entry 238**

Failure again. My friends think I am unable to allow the janitor to answer because I had to win on my own. That is an assumption I will allow them to believe. How could I explain that it is because of Penny? That I am unable to admit failure in front of her. I strive to impress her. And annoy her, and tease her, and elicit heated exchanges between us. I must be superior to the others in her eyes.

* * *

**Log Entry 256**

Penny's words to Leonard have hurt me. She looks down on us for our comics, games, costumes and hobbies. Are they really such terrible things in her eyes? I cannot change who I am. Does she really view us…me, with such disgust?

**Supplemental**

I yelled at Penny. I am torn. On one hand I am exhilarated at having defended Leonard and by default myself, yet I fear I may have hurt her. She apologized to Leonard for her previous words. I can only hope she forgives me too.

* * *

**Log Entry 257**

Penny approached me this evening in the laundry room. She apologized, saying she never meant to hurt my feelings. She was angry and in pain and she had lashed out. I felt a rush of relief at her apology. I quickly offered my own apology for my anger. Penny smiled at me and said we were good. Then she darted close and kissed my cheek. My shower was extended by the need to ease my arousal. That woman is hell on my libido.

* * *

**Log Entry 277**

I am disgusted by Leonard's actions. He has pursued Penny for most of the year, yet the moment he meets my sister, he immediately drops his infatuation for our lovely neighbour and fixates on Missy. Tomorrow, when my sister returns to Texas he will resume chasing Penny. I do not like this at all. Penny deserves better.

* * *

**Log Entry 301**

Penny believes in astrology. She is a Sagittarius. People of that sign are said to be outgoing, creative, fun loving, impulsive and unorganized.

I am a Taurus. People of that sign are said to be stable, dependable, goal oriented, and emotionally suppressed.

The two signs are not compatible.

Astrology is pure hokum.

* * *

**Log Entry 320**

Penny has agreed to a date with Leonard.

**End Log**


	2. Year Two

**I don't own the Big Bang Theory or it's characters. This is a sequel of sorts to Sheldon's Log, which deals with season one.  
**

* * *

_A selection of entries from Sheldon's journal concerning the second year of his friendship with Penny_

* * *

**Log #2 Entry 001**

Penny and Leonard had their date tonight. I refused to participate in Howard and Raj's snooping. However, I did watch the review since Leonard was here also. He insists the date went well. I, on the other hand, noted a definite lack of stimulation on Penny's part. Not only was the goodnight kiss uninspiring and bland, but she refused him entry into her home. Maybe now Leonard will forget his obsession with our neighbor.

**Log #2 Entry 019**

Tonight I asked Penny to reconsider her stance on dating Leonard. I have two very well thought out reasons for this. After the disastrous first date with Penny, Leonard has once again taken up with Leslie Winkle. Only now, instead of a one night stand, they are entering into a relationship. This is unacceptable. My second reason is Penny herself. It is becoming increasingly difficult to keep her at a distance. While I am quite content for her to be my friend and sexual fantasy, she is beginning to seep into my every day activities. Yesterday I spent almost 10 minutes staring at my white board at work, unable to concentrate because I was wondering what she was doing. This, also, is unacceptable.

**Log #2 Entry 046**

I am beginning to think Penny has some sort of devious plan for me. She has increased my exposure to her by 64%. Of course, it could just be that she is addicted to Age of Conan. Regardless of the reason, she came into my room last night. She wanted to speak with me about a quest, but no one is allowed in my room. She asked me to join her in the living room, but I could not. I told her I was not wearing my bottoms because I had spilled grape juice on them, but that was a lie. If I had gotten out of bed, she would have seen the reaction I had to waking up and seeing her stand over me. I swear that woman has reduced me to nothing more than a walking, talking erection.

**Log #2 Entry 063**

How on Earth can Penny be impressed with Raj's "accolade" in People Magazine. He saw a planet. He didn't create it. He doesn't own it. He hasn't cured cancer with it. Why would she go with him to this silly magazine party? Could Penny harbor feelings for Raj? She calls him sweetie and honey almost a much as she does me. Why does this annoy me as much as it does? Is it because Raj is receiving notice, or because it is Penny he is receiving it from?

**Log #2 Entry 093**

Once again I have shown Penny I am lacking in some way. I cannot drive. Well, I can, but based on the attempts I made with Howard's simulator, if I ever do get behind the wheel of a real car, I will be buried in lawsuits and criminal proceedings for the rest of my days. This wouldn't have happened if Penny hadn't been wearing that shirt when she drove me to work! It's her favorite (and mine). She has worn and washed it so many times it is thin and soft. So thin it was easy to see she had no bra on. Every speed bump made her "jiggle like jello" as George Jr. would say. I tried to distract myself by playing the Element game. Penny mistook my "dear lord" and "oh god" as a criticism of her driving. Better that than letting her know I was ogling her!

**Log #2 Entry 110**

I have somehow ended up in a relationship! Not one I ever wanted either! It's not little Jeannie Rubens from 3rd grade. Nor is it Marie Finley from my days as an undergrad, two females I had crushed on previously. Nor is it Penny, my beautiful, infuriating neighbor across the hall. No. It is with a grad student who seems to be trying to take over every aspect of my life. How did this happen? I do not see much of Penny now. Is this what a girlfriend does? Isolate you from the others in your lie? I must get rid of Ramona. I miss Penny. When she does come over, she leaves almost immediately. Unacceptable.

**Log #2 Entry 119**

Penny touched my food. I could smell her soft vanilla scent on my container now. How could I eat when all I could do is wonder if she tastes as good as she smells. I gave her a second strike. Apparently she was unaware of the first one. In retaliation, she sat in my spot and refused to move. I definitely did not need her warmth and aroma in my spot. It's hard enough having her beside me. Now she has been banished. True, her offense was not really banishment worthy, but I desperately needed some space between us. God she is magnificent!

**Supplemental**

Penny has retaliated by tampering with my Tuesday burger. I cut off her Wifi access. She made me miss laundry night by appropriating all of the machines. I stole her under things and hung them from a telephone wire. I may have overstepped the bounds of pranking. Before she stormed out, Penny's eyes were bright and shining. Not from anger, or spirit, but from tears. I have made Penny cry.

**Additional Supplement**

Penny told on me. She called Mommy. Under other circumstances I would see this as an act of war. However, I caused her injury. I hurt her feelings and upset her. I can forgive her anything if she will just forgive me. I have finished washing and folding her under things. I now go to return them. Most of them.

**Log #2 Entry 136**

I am very glad I remembered to lower Howard's ranking among my friends. I found out tonight he once tried to get Penny to go out with him by offering to let her drive the Mars Rover. I am very glad Penny did not fall for that ploy. Meanwhile, Leonard is acting suspiciously, but since his departure left Penny and I alone (once Howard and Raj left) I have no interest in his activities.

**Log #2 Entry 168**

Today I spoke to Penny about Leonard's girlfriend. This is a perfect situation. Leonard is no longer pursuing Penny, but there is no awkwardness to keep her from visiting. I could not resist teasing Penny. I asked her to keep her libido suppressed. She informed me that when her libido rises, she will think of me. I am fairly certain she was being sarcastic, but I responded as if she was serious. I gave her permission to do so. It's only fair, I believe. I am usually thinking of her when mine rises. Which it is, as I consider the possibility that she may actually think of me.

**Log #2 Entry 180**

I made a Freudian slip tonight. I have an inflamed larynx according to our newest roommate, Dr. Stephanie. I was out of tea, so I went across to Penny's apartment. She keeps tea on hand for me. An act I find highly encouraging. Since I must not speak so as to not irritate my throat, I am using a computer program to speak for me. I type in what I want to say, and it pronounces it for me. I asked Penny for hiney. Consciously I meant honey, but I know myself well enough to know that subconsciously I meant what I said.

**Log #2 Entry 201**

I possess Leonard Nimoy's DNA. It's true. Penny has given me the DNA of my idol. And what did I have for her? A few lousy baskets of lotion and body wash in her favorite scents. How can I make this up to her? Spock's DNA versus bath soap. What can I do?

**Supplemental**

Penny has informed me that she is more than happy with the hug I gave her. Gave her? Didn't she understand? That was as much for my benefit as hers! I had to hold her! I've wanted to for longer than I care to think about. I only took the opportunity when it presented itself.

**Log #2 Entry 213**

My arrogance overrode my good sense and now our robot lays destroyed. It is embarrassing enough for Penny to _think_ I have no mechanical skills as a man should, but for her to _know_ it is worse. My dad always said a woman wanted a man who could provide for her, take care of her and especially fix things around the house. Having Penny bear witness to my failure was enough to make me seclude myself in my room. However this action brought about an unexpected and not unpleasant consequence. Penny followed me. She is under the impression that I am upset with her, not with myself. She once again sat on my bed and sang Soft Kitty to me, claiming sad was a kind of hurt. As I write, I can still smell her scent on my blanket. Luckily laundry day is still 4 days away, and I can enjoy it for more than just tonight.

**Log #2 Entry 228**

I am befuddled. An endeavor to make a new friend (which turned out to be unnecessary) has left me with an unexpected and, to be honest, exciting conundrum. I gave all four of my friends a questionnaire to fill out. It consisted of 211 questions and an essay. Leonard put little effort into his. Howard was surprisingly correct on 65% of the questions, but he drew a naughty picture for the essay. Raj did better on the multiple choice section than the others, but his essay was, to be frank, dull. Then there is Penny. Log, to be completely honest, I knew she would not do well on the entire thing. I only gave her one so as not to show favoritism. I had no intention of grading hers. I only looked it over out of curiosity. She answered 7 incorrectly. Her essay "Life Across the Hall From A Genius" has played through my mind several times. She likened me to a tornado. She said my personality was like a force of nature. Unstoppable, unrestrained, capable of bringing about great change. What does this mean? How did she know so much more about me than the others who have known me longer, and see me every day?

**Log #2 Entry 245**

Penny is embarrassed to be around me. That was not my intention when I loaned her money. I do not care about the money. It matters not if she ever repays me. My actions were purely selfish. I loaned her money so she would not be forced to move. I want her here, with me, across the hall as I have become accustomed to. The thought of Penny moving is distressing. If she moved, I would lose her friendship. She would find other people to hang out with. To see and speak to regularly. That cannot happen. Yet, in trying to keep her near, I have made her uncomfortable. How do I correct this?

**Log #2 Entry 257**

Penny and Leonard have "made out". Why? This is most distressful news! Even more distressful is why I find it objectionable. As I have admitted in a previous entry, I am perfectly content with Penny in my life as a friend and sexual fantasy. Or rather, I was. Now I have discovered that the idea of Penny having sex leaves me feeling empty. Maybe I should speak with Leonard's mother about this. She is quite knowledgeable about social constructs. I will attempt to approach her before she leaves in the morning.

**Log #2 Entry 272**

This has been a very fascinating week. Penny shot my spot with Leonard's paintball gun. It took a week to get it cleaned. I then learned Leonard has been deceiving my about my cashew chicken's origins. The fascinating part came next. Penny agreed to participate in our bi-monthly paintball excursion. In a hastily made decision, I shot her for revenge. Then she shot me. Needless to say, order deteriorated, and Penny and I found ourselves alone when everyone else elected to go to Denny's. Penny and I walked home. We did not speak at first. Then she giggled. She looked adorable smiling mischievously up at me. We walked the rest of the way in high spirits. When the others returned, we were watching The Fifth Element on tv and eating the ice cream Penny insisted on treating me to.

**Log #2 Entry 287**

Penny is in my room. At this very minute, while I sit on this train, updating this log, she is in my room. She is sitting on my bed, uploading a file onto her laptop to send to mine. She is also reading my Meemaw's letters. On my bed. She is touching my things. Leaving her scent on my possessions. Dear lord! Her red satin bra! The one I did not return is in my shirt drawer! What will I say if she discovers it?

**Log #2 Entry 300**

Sitting beside Penny on her couch, thigh to thigh was both terrifying and exhilarating. Her vanilla scent was all around me, our voices flowing harmoniously. Then our friends interrupted. I cannot be mad though. Their interference led to a large order for Penny-Blossoms. Which led to my first cup of coffee. She says she had to chase me down on the sidewalk, where I was asking random strangers for coffee. She then convinced me to return to the apartment where she made me lie down and then rubbed my back until I fell asleep. I wish I could remember it. I will make do with the memory I have of waking up with my head in her lap.

**Log #2 Entry 313**

A woman moved above us. Penny is jealous of the attention our friends are giving this new tenant. I am grateful, though. Penny and I have had several evenings with only each other's company and we had dinner together alone. Want to know a guilty secret? I enjoyed watching the cat fight between Penny and the other girl far more than I let on. It has become my "go-to" fantasy, only with Penny in a Xena costume.

**Log #2 Entry 326**

This is getting ridiculous. I really must find a way to muster my courage! Penny had a date. I managed to prevent anything from happening by performing an act of coitus-interruptus when she returned from her date with Stuart, but it was a close call. I was in the bathroom and almost did not hear them return. I want Penny. I just am not sure if I want her as more than a fantasy. I am sure, however, that I detest the idea of anyone else having her.

**Log #2 Entry 340**

She gave me her bed last night. She sang me soft kitty. I slept, surrounded by her sweet scent, in her bed. She was in the next room, and I could hear her gentle breathing. I'm almost glad I got locked out. Granted, I barely slept from excitement of being so close to her, but I do not regret the loss of REM sleep. Especially since she made me breakfast and then hugged me before I left.

**Log #2 Entry 351**

Penny had a second date with Stuart, which did not end well. Apparently, while kissing (why, Penny?) she said a name. Not Stuart's name either. Leonard's. Again I ask, why, Penny? Why him?

**Log #2 Entry 364**

I have been granted the opportunity to lead an expedition to the Arctic. I have asked Howard, Raj and Leonard to be my support team. I freely admit I have done so to remove Leonard from Penny. I cannot watch them together. I hope this time away will allow me to distance myself from these feelings I have. Three months away from her influence should be sufficient to quell any romantic aspersions I had. I hope.


End file.
